Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

A compliment is verbal sunshine.

The person who deserves most pity is a lonesome one on a rainy day who doesn't know how to read.

God will never—never—lead you to do something that is contrary to His written Word, the Bible.

We walked back to iDEATH, holding hands. Hands are very nice things, especially after they have travelled back from making love.

It is easier to influence strong than weak characters in life.

It's amazing to me that young people will still pick up a cigarette.

I think that most Americans don't resent people for getting rich. They want to get rich themselves.

Sanctification is like a clumsy, slow walk rather than a light switch that we turn from off to on.

The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better.

On MySpace ... the whole demographic of the stand-up comedy fan has changed. It's like an indie band thing. People think they've discovered you.

One minute you're bleeding. The next minute you're hemorrhaging. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa.