Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

If you want to reap financial blessings, you have to sow financially.

One of the great inventions of the twentieth century was the studied, methodical engineering of myth for political ends.

You are done for - a living dead man - not when you stop loving but stop hating. Hatred preserves: in it, in its chemistry, resides the mystery of life.

Don't give up on your dreams. You can become the person you know you really are.

[T]he burden of government is not measured by how much it taxes, but by how much it spends.

Writing and directing your own film, for me, has been the best experience of my life.

Apparently sometimes my humor is dryer than a desert.

The physician cannot prescribe by letter, he must feel the pulse.

What other people think of me is none of my business. One of the highest places you can get to is being independent of the good opinions of other people.

What I like about writing is the sense of godlike power it gives you.