Love makes the world go around, but so does a gallon of vodka and a box of Cuban cigars.

Excuses are like butt holes everyone has 'em and they all stink.

If money don't buy happiness, what the hell does?

Matrimony and firefighting. They ain't for cowards.

A friend is someone who will bike to the ice cream shop with you, even when you don't look so good.

Let us talk about oxymoron, common sense, for instance.

Lust and love. They both put a fire in your damn shorts.

Celibacy sucks, no pun intended.

I'd rather be pissed off then pissed on.

It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood.

Sometimes stupid is crime enough.

My dream was one day ordering a drink and finding out it tasted wonderful.

It's hard to imagine which is worse, living with fear, or living without it in a fantasyland were consequences don't exist.

At no point in history has a bright young girl with plenty of food and a good constitution perished from too much learning.

For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens: as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone.

It would be doing cunning too much honor to call it an inferior species of true discernment.

There was never any fear for me, no fear of failure. If I miss a shot, so what?

One thing I've very quickly learned is that if you wake up every morning worrying about what's in the press, you would go completely and utterly potty.

He [Pliny the Elder] used to say that 'no book [etc] was so bad but some good might be got out of it'.

There is a clear matter that I am not a practicing physician; I have never been a practitioner; everybody has known for decades.

Giving men marriage tips is a little like offering Vikings a free booklet titled How Not to Pillage.