Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast.

You are offered a piece of bread and butter that feels like a damp handkerchief and sometimes, when cucumber is added to it, like a wet one.

For me, one of the pleasures of cats company is their devotion to bodily comfort.

Women do not find it difficult nowadays to behave like men, but they often find it extremely difficult to behave like gentlemen

The only mystery about the cat is why it ever decided to become a domestic animal.

Nobody who is not prepared to spoil cats will get from them the reward they are able to give to those who do spoil them.

Beer does not taste like itself unless it is chasing a dram of neat whisky down the gullet - preferably two drams

Women do not find it difficult nowadays to behave like men but they often find it extremely difficult to behave like gentlemen.

It wasn’t that she believed in voodoo, precisely—but she believed in the people who believed in voodoo—and that was scary enough. -Coralee Ayers

Dogs are happy with few things because they have already observed man who is unhappy with many things!

My reaction when I hear the word 'celebrity' is, 'Who, me?' It doesn't feel like I'm famous.

Racism is exclusion, that's why I make fun of everybody.

Intelligent and alert, wistful but enthusiastic, frank yet tactful, assured without conceit and tender without sentimentality.

They say that we are better educated than our parents' generation. What they mean is that we go to school longer. They are not the same thing.

Let us receive nothing, believe nothing, follow nothing which is not in the Bible, nor can be proved by the Bible.

First and last follow each other.

It was only a few years ago that I couldn't get hired to save my life.

Is love supposed to ruin you? It seems to me you shouldn't destroy yourself out of life for purposes of love--or what good is it?