Love's blindness consists oftener in seeing what is not there than in seeing what is.

Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us.

I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.

Murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.

Life is a zoo in a jungle.

It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us.

You can make a sordid thing sound like a brilliant drawing-room comedy. Probably a fear we have of facing up to the real issues. Could you say we were guilty of Noel Cowardice?

I write when I'm inspired, and I see to it that I'm inspired at nine o'clock every morning.

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.

The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.

A hundred years ago Hester Prynne of The Scarlet Letter was given an A for adultery; today she would rate no better than a C-plus.

Trust a politician? I would rather staple gun my nuts to the back of a charging rhino.

Tell me not in mournful numbers Life is but an empty dream!

Smokey Robinson writes the heartfelt songs, whereas it was my job to write the songs about weakness and failure in love.

I look forward to continuing my work on the sidelines for Turner Sports.

A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go.

No dog is as well bred or as well mannered or as distinguished and handsome.

The long-term solution in preventing another famine in Somalia is to promote self-reliance.

The truly great person is the one who gives you a chance.

I have osteoarthritis, which especially affects my knees.

When the police came, they found my brother asleep on the roof. Nobody knows how he got there.