Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

It's what we do, we continue on. Yet, what is the point? There is nothing ahead of us when there is nothing left of us.

If you sing to one person as if you’re singing to a million, you will soon have an audience of a million.

The forces in a capitalist society if left unchecked tend to make the rich richer and the poor poorer.

Nobody makes movies bad on purpose.

The Illuminati is just the evil, 'nameless' people who are behind governments.

When we talk about the assertion of basically new government privileges with weak or no justification, we don't even have to look at international law to see the failings in them.

On that terrible day, a nation became a neighborhood. All Americans became New Yorkers.

Women are most adorable when they are afraid; that's why they frighten so easily.

The Tea Party has an important voice in the country and now they have a voice in the U.S. Senate.