MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

You have your world to rebuild, and I have mine.

Before you get bored of yourself try creativity in your life.

If I maintain my silence about my secret it is my prisoner...if I let it slip from my tongue, I am ITS prisoner.

It's an honor to be compared with Terry Bradshaw. If I could do half of what he did, I'd be very happy.

I think the terrifying thing is you see all these people who go to the same cosmetic surgeon, and they end up, after a while, looking like everyone.

Self-esteem is felt even though you may not have done anything yet, but just feel the capability for it.

Many kiss the hand they wish cut off.

Your past doesn't define you. Only your present and your future. If your life is screwed up, stop making excuses. What are you going to do about it today?

Once you're a winner, you can give all sorts of reasons why you're a winner. Of course, you could all those same reasons to explain why a show fails.

Gamblers and lovers really play to lose.