Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

When you are loving someone, that someone is loving you, too. That is the universal law. No exception.

Words are wind.

Tens of thousands, perhaps millions, have come into some kind of religious experience by accepting Christ, and they have not been saved.

I'm like cheddar: Yes, other cheeses are more ooh la la, but I'm strong, mature, and oh so delicious.

In spinning a robe of your own righteousness, before the sun goes down you will find it all unraveled.

Three things ruin a man: power, money, and women. I never wanted power. I never had any money, and the only woman in my life is up at the house right now.

To me, the thing that is worse than death is betrayal.

Compassion is good but politicians have turned compassion into the welfare state.

I am his, and he is mine, and it has been that way all along.

Be merry, and employ your chiefest thoughts To courtship and such fair ostents of love As shall conveniently become you there.