Madness isn't altogether a bad thing in comedy.

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

You will like her, " he persisted. "Egad, she's after your own heart, maman! She shot me in the arm.""Voyons, do you think that is what I like?

The ones with no imagination are always the quickest to justify themselves

True leaders are ready to sweat when making rehearsal, than to cry tears when actually practicing. To save the tears, be ready to sweat!

If God wanted us to use the metric system, He would have given us ten fingers and ten toes.

I really want to meet and work with JJ Abrams. Everyone talks about what a nice director he is, and he has kids and stuff, so he sounds really awesome, not to mention he makes awesome movies.

I have those songs as well. It depends on what I'm going through in my life but I'm a huge fan of Bjork. Sometimes I get so emotional because she's so amazing.

The more transparent the writing, the more visible the poetry.

He who holds balance...has attained the highest post in the world.

Maybe in any art you have to be wholly you in the context of whatever you're doing.

I only write books about dead people. They can't sue.