Majestic doesn't appeal to us. We [Americans] like the Grand Canyon better with Clarence and Arlene parked in front of it, smiling.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

When we as human beings, are trusted with life, but lack the value thereof, we are only left with one thing – abuse!

People are, at their heart, constantly moving toward a state of entropy. Much like this ship. We’re all spiraling out of control.

Fashion is a reflection of our times. Fashion can tell you everything that's going on in the world with a strong fashion image.

The mischief of children is seldom actuated by malice; that of grown-up people always is.

I worked with Lady Gaga for a day on a video shoot. It was crazy; we had a lot of fun. I had a great time.

You try a lot of things and you don't know what the hell you're doing. If you're actually inventing something you shouldn't know what you're doing.

Lightning does not often strike twice in the same place.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Lord, what music hast thou provided for Thy saints in heaven, when Thou affordest bad men such music on earth!

Jesus's resurrection is the beginning of God's new project.