Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.

Darkness engulfed me...There was no ground below me, no sky above. Only the black, and the cold.

She walked away too far for me to call... and for her to hear my voice.

He was about to kiss me. I was sure of it. I had never been kissed before and had no idea what to do! - Delphine Delmar

Goodness is beauty in the best estate.

If tomorrow, women woke up and decided they really liked their bodies, just think how many industries would go out of business.

Or in other words, it's the substance you've got when you start that determines the outcome.

I want my brain to slide back into the slot it was meant to be in, rest there the way it did before the fall of last year, back when I was young, witty, and my teachers said I had incredible promise.

Great saints have often been made out of great sinners, but not one was ever made out of a wimp.

Unfortunately, there are very few facilities which offer courses in the arts. Not all the secondary schools offer the subject for CXC examinations.