Making a good music video isn't easy. If it were, MTV would still be showing them instead of '16 and Pregnant,' which I assume is shot exclusively in Utah.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

My roots are firmly planted in the glory of nature. The soil beneath my feet heartens each step.

How can you know God if you don't seek out his voice, find it, and learn to follow the path he is leading you on

You must be engaged with the process of producing something to expect something.

Courage can't see around corners but goes around them anyway.

You can't have problems with hand movement, if you're going to be a good putter.

Every day I'm trying to be more humble and how do you do that? I guess, every day, we have mass. Every day, I pray the rosary. That's what I do.

That which, perhaps, hears more nonsense than anything in the world, is a picture in a museum.

The poor never estimate as a virtue the generosity of the rich.

You don't know what a semi-colon does... sort of like my act.

There are some power-abusing, corrupt monsters in our federal government that despise me because I have the audacity to speak the truth.