Making the 'An Idiot Abroad' series, I was really dreading going to India; I thought I'd hate it. It was a nightmare, and I was really ill - just like everyone says.

Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone.

It's like the panda, they say that's dying out. But what do they do? When you see them they're just sitting in the jungle eating.

It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle.

Pigeons: They've got wings, but they walk a lot.

I've got loads of nieces and nephews.

[Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It's more useful.

Avocados, it's a food that ain't worth injuring yourself for. If it's a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts.

We've had the Iron Age, the Stone Age, this is the pissin' about age.

People who live in a glass house have to answer the door.

You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that.

Beneath her curls, I forget the world, With a mere gaze she raises my hopes of gold. Love is as much in her heart as in mine, But she doesn’t say it, her punishment so divine.

Most men judge your importance in their lives by how much you can hurt them, not by how happy you can make them.

Most people would succeed above themselves.

Without continuous personal development, you are now all that you will ever become, and hell starts when the person you are meets the person you could have been.

If your addiction lingers, ask yourself if you really want to release it, because in your heart you do not.

Altruism is masked self-interest. Aggressive self-interest is a masked urge to self-destruction.

Once you become famous, being single becomes a liability.

Chips on shoulder, all that, everybody plays the game for different reasons. You've got to prove yourself every time you go out there. That's the reality.

I'm just starting to scratch the surface of what really makes me happy and it's taken me a while to admit that acting like a little child and being a jerk and a punk is fun.

Nothing is ever simple. What do you do when you discover you like parts of the role you're trying to escape?