Man, who don't like spaghetti?

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Too often, opinion is a lens polished by the grit of bias. And as I stare through my own lens, I might ask how much polish can the grit of bias actually create?

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.

Words do not solve problems, actions do.

Don't do the things just for the sake of it. Do something extra. It makes ordinary things, extraordinary.

Solitude is painful when one is young, but delightful when one is more mature.

When I'm marketing a film, whether its mine or someone else's, I work with a great deal of strategy and elbow grease until the job is done.

... the country deserves us to be willing to compromise on behalf of the greater good.

For everyone, well-being is a journey. The secret is committing to that journey and taking those first steps with hope and belief in yourself.

Marriage is the aftermath of love.

The room where I am lodging is stupendous. Thank God I am as fit as a fiddle.