Manchester United have, since 1991, conquered Europe about as successfully as Head and Shoulders has conquered dandruff

The FA would remove him tomorrow if they had a spine, but clearly, in former lives, were cruel to jellyfish which is why they have returned as them now.

If you want to have the time of your life, change how you use the time in your life.

Private property is redundant. "Public property" is an oxymoron. All legit property is private. If property isn't private it's stolen.

Lack of clarity is the number-one time-waster. Always be asking, 'What am I trying to do? How am I trying to do it.

The wheel was invented so we could move faster. Credit was invented so we would have to.

normal person's weekly chore list: 1. clean kitchen. 2. clean bathroom. 3. clean entire rest of domicile. cleaning impaired person's weekly chore list: 1. don't get peanut butter on sheets.

Do not mistake for wisdom that opinion which may rise from a sick mind.

New York City is filled with the same kind of people I left New Jersey to get away from.

I really rebel against authority.

I work best when people are here to puncture me

O most delicate fiend! Who is't can read a woman? Is there more?