Many a man may look respectable, and yet be able to hide at will behind a spiral staircase.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

A man in drink can be like a ravening wolf.

I am in a moment of pretty wellness.

After I brush on my moisturizer, I'll dip the same brush into foundation and mix it with the lotion to make tinted moisturizer.

When I work, I live in a fantasy world. It's great. I get to play different characters who inspire me.

I like playing roulette, I like dice. I grew up with gamblers.

All is not gold that glisters.

The snake stood up for evil in the Garden.

There are many great wine producers from all over the world making fantastic wines. Italian wines especially are making an enormous comeback after sometimes being labeled as inexpensive jug wines.

Be grateful for every word you can cut.