Many a standing ovation has been caused by someone jumping to his feet in an effort to beat the rest of the audience to the parking lot.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.

Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.

One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.

Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.

Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.

To live intentionally implies that it is not going to be always convenient but it is what will take you to significance if you do not give up.

If we let the drama of others’ lives become our own, then we are no longer ourselves.

What if I just want to die?""Then I will be sad and disappointed that you cheated yourself out of your chance at existence. Not all of us have that opportunity, you know, to choose life.

The newly-minted captain is told to let nothing stop him but to do nothing that would risk his ship or his crew.

far too many politicians suffer from foot and mouth disease

Biting's excellent. It's like kissing - only there is a winner.

No happy person can be quite so impervious to pain (Gail Wynand to Dominique Francon)

My friends should drink a dozen of Claret on my Tomb.

Into the field of Yellow flowers The red setting sun!

Narcissism and self-deception are survival mechanisms without which many of us might just jump off a bridge.