Many an ancient lord's last words have been, 'You can't kill me because I've got magic aaargh.'

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

I can't let my mother's death have been in vain. Democracy is the best revenge, and we will have it.

I think a lot of people who feel as though they desperately want to be married oftentimes simply desperately want to have a wedding.

Evil men by their own nature cannot ever prosper.

I don't feel any obligation to make my intentions for a song accessible to a listener or an audience. I'm not interested in conveying anything to them so much as what's best for me.

People who tell computers what to do, and people who are told by computers what to do.

Now I have close to a million followers on Twitter, which is crazy because I don't even know how to spell. But it definitely forces me to think more about the "we" factor.

The church is a major bureaucracy, and major bureaucracies are disobedient to the gospel.

Well I sup and well I dine, When I drink my frolic wine.

Are you better off than you were one year ago, one month ago, or one week ago? If not, things will not improve by themselves.