Many people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit at home type, while Michael Jackson is more of a homosexual pedophile.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Dead my old fine hopesAnd dry my dreaming but still...Iris, blue each spring

Our goals are not achieved if all our energy given to us to achieve the goal and self-actualization is directed towards being accepted by our surroundings and to meet their requirements

You learn from the things that happen in your career. You get up and down. You never give up. All the things that happened in my career, thank God it happened early rather than late in my career.

The man who sailed around his soul From East to West, from pole to pole With ego as his drunken captain Greed, the mutineer, had trapped all reason in the hold

Knowing what you can do at any given time to look and feel better is pretty powerful.

I am always pleased when I have the opportunity of meeting with the Latter-day Saints in any of their gatherings.

Human memory is short and terribly fickle.

Illness and accidents were mysterious manifestations of the war of the spirits, fought on the battleground of the body.

Do not boast because you have beliefs; don't forget that hundreds of absurd beliefs in the history are totally disappeared!

For some reason, all artists have self-esteem issues.