Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Control Your Own Destiny or Someone Else Will

You are the God. You are the embodiment of God. The moment you start to love everyone and everything, you are doing your divine duty.

What would be the significance of the candlelight, if there were no darkness? What would be the power of the stars over our minds, if there were no night?

Now the night's breath responds to the sea, which I can scarcely hear from here, as it reminisces about its shipwrecks.

All my contemporaries—hundred-and-fivers or convicts—will tell you how we livedin barely sentient fear, raisingchildren for the executioner, prison, or the torture chamber.

Someday I will tell my grandchildren that I lived in the era when OK was abbreviated to K.

It's a complicated set of opinions that women bring to the voting booth.

We spent a lot of time on the beach when I was young so I'd also take pictures of seaweed and crabs.

Five years from now, I don't know how I'll think.

There needs to be more women scholars, and that is not something new, we need to return to the glorified past and get more women scholars involved to overcome the Fetahs of patriarchy.