Marriage is a good deal like taking a bath-not so hot once you get accustomed to it.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Don't believe in miracles - depend on them.

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

When in doubt or danger, run in circles, scream and shout.

A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.

There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought

Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them.

When a stone is dropped into a pond, the water continues quivering even after the stone has sunk to the bottom.

Religion and science have a common ancestor - ignorance.

Los Angeles was great fun because it was the polar opposite of Moscow in 1980. It was sunny and bright, lots of colours around, whereas Moscow was dark and oppressive.

December 7, 1941. A date which will live in infamy.

It's no good talking to a man with an apology for a brain.

Terrorism is partly linked to people who have no jobs in Pakistan.

She was scared. Scared of dying.

The whole nostalgia thing, and just sticking with what you always liked and what you know and not taking a chance on something or expanding. I think especially after a certain age.

I've got a quote for you, a good quote to describe Television...In madness there is order.

He has the gift of compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts.