Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

Let her go, ” Brendan said, and Will did. And that was the biggest mistake of his life. Letting her go.

The best we can do, to paraphrase Pollan, is to eat whole foods, mostly plants, and not too much.

Query: How does the never to be differ from what never was?

Misery is a guest that we are glad to part with, however certain of her speedy return.

It's a matter of will. If you know that you can keep your head, and that you must keep your head, you probably will keep your head.

And I seek people who break rules with happiness — and not bringing pain to themselves.

I wanted to travel with my dad to be close to him again. Having babies and raising my own family took so much of my time, I didn't have a chance to be with him very often.

What you discover about life’s shell game is that it’s hardest to follow the pea when you’re the pea.

Not knowing it was hard; knowing it was harder

I feel like there's no need to put on a heel that's too high. There's nothing cute about wobbling. There's nothing cute about not wanting to dance or walk somewhere because you're in pain.