Marriage is the miracle that transforms a kiss from a pleasure into a duty.

A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor.

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.

A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.

A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.

Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

When I was a kid my mom would send me off to school each day with the words, ‘Remember: be happy! The most important thing today is that you are happy!

Can you admit on here that you have an affliction for millions of other people to see? Then that is great and a huge step towards your recovery.

'Grandmother' doesn't mean that you have gray hair and you retire and stay home cooking cakes for your grandchildren.

Ideality is the avant-courier of the mind.

The great truth is that women actually like men, and men can never believe it.

I've known my mom since I was zero years old. She is quite dope.

This life is a dressing room for eternity - THAT'S ALL IT IS!

If you take the credit, you lose it. If you give away the credit, it comes back multiplied.

When I try to sound like the contemporary sound, it never turns out that way. That's just me.

Give us a world where half our homes are run by men and half our institutions are run by women. I'm pretty sure that would be a better world.