Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation.

I was always the last woman on the last down elevator as the store was closing.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.

When the grandmothers of today hear the word 'Chippendales,' they don't necessarily think of chairs.

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

A suffering person does not need a lecture—he needs a listener.

If we resist our passions, it is more due to their weakness than our strength.

Listening to medical facts was not enough. People wanted one hundred percent guarantees.

A new year was a chance to start over. Maybe even, just maybe, there would be a peace on earth for one entire day.

I am not famous for anything in particular. I am just famous.

I’ve stopped thinking about it. I don’t have time to have a girlfriend. I have like a full-time job Learning How to Be Blind.

An artist is his own fault.

Some persons' letters seem almost framed to afford a series of alibis for their personality.

I can like something. You can like something. It's not an absolute.