Martha Stewart was convicted of four counts of lying and obstruction of justice and could serve up to 20 years in Congress.

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.

Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.

Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.

John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.

New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.

President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.

Solitude is not measured by the miles of space that intervene between a man and his fellows.

Western business people often don't get the importance of establishing human relationships.

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

At every crossroads on the path that leads to the future, tradition has placed 10,000 men to guard the past.

Let observation with observant view, Observe mankind from China to Peru.

Some might say that it's easier to be the runner than the runner's family.

Only those who have the courage to fail greatly achieve greatly.

People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff.

Avoidance doesn’t solve anything; it merely serves as a temporary salve.

It don't make sense: either you a soldier from the start, Or a actor with a record deal tryin' to play the part.