Maybe I couldn't be dafter, But I keep wondering if this time we settle our differences before a war instead of after.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

If a woman chooses to have an abortion, it is legal to do that in this country, but I don't think taxpayers should be put in a position to have to pay for those abortions.

Take up the weapons of the glorious army for the salvation of many thousands.

Political nature abhors a vacuum, which is what often exists for a year or two in a party after it loses a presidential election.

That which concerns everyone must also be discussed and approved by everyone.

There are but few who have ideas and are, at the same time, capable of action. Ideas enlarge but stymie, action enlivens but confines.

The enlightened give thanks for what most people take for granted.

I actually have heard of acts who only do their new album, and don't do their hits. I've never been in that mind set.

Perhaps our Irish friends should not so completely turn their backs on their historical dishes, no matter how many jokes they might have to endure.

The attempt to devote oneself to literature alone is a most deceptive thing, and ... often, paradoxically, it is literature that suffers for it.

The West should be even more vocal in insisting that the Russians respect human rights.