Maybe I'll make a huge color tapestry from my belly button lint.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler’s heart, kill your darlings.

History looks queer when you're standing close to it, watching where it is coming from and how it's being made.

Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.

My heart is one part predatorAnd one part saint!Most of it is crazyAnd a little bit too saneIt falls for allBut beats for noneIt’s one part brokenStill shoots like a machine gun!

Heroes rarely get to rest when they desire to.

Businesses and users are going to use technology only if they can trust it.

There is a certain ecstasy in wanting things you can't get.

Most people find it extremely difficult - if not impossible - to focus in prayer.

The American formula things are out there but they don't have any stories to tell - we have all the stories to tell - but they're all formula.