Maybe if God gives you a handicap, he makes sure you've got a few extra doses of humor to take the edge off.

Everytime I look at a zebra, I can't figure out whether it's black with white stripes or white with black stripes, and that frustrates me.

Love is not a because, it's a no matter what.

The human capacity for burden is like bamboo- far more flexible than you'd ever believe at first glance.

There are two ways to be happy: improve your reality, or lower your expectations.

There's always going to be bad stuff out there. But here's the amazing thing -- light trumps darkness, every time. You stick a candle into the dark, but you can't stick the dark into the light.

You can't look back - you just have to put the past behind you, and find something better in your future.

Until this moment, I had not realized that someone could break your heart twice, along the very same fault lines.

The wolves knew when it was time to stop looking for what they'd lost, to focus instead on what was yet to come.

If you have a sister and she dies, do you stop saying you have one? Or are you always a sister, even when the other half of the equation is gone?

‎Pick ten strangers and stick them in a room, and ask them which of us they feel sorrier for - you or me - and we all know who they'll choose.

Until we begin to live for people and stop living for self, we have not started living, we just exist.

Rumor has it: when you marry a Walsh you are set for life. Only one thing can screw it up.

Any thoughts of guilt, any feelings of regret, had faded. The desert had baked them out.

What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.

Argument closes off the doors of the senses. It always masks violence. Continued too long, argument always leads to violence.

Comedy is not funny. Comedy is hard work and timing and lots and lots of rehearsals.

Parent hard, play hard. That's my philosophy.

"The Secret" is the law of attraction.

If you would know a man, observe how he treats a cat.

How can you look at this and not see it as the symbol for the self-referencing nature of progressive evolution.