Maybe in fairytales you're only as old as you feel, but here in L. A. you're every second as old as your pores.

I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister.

A balanced diet and a brisk daily walk will help keep you healthy, but there's nothing like a good-looking young man with a nice butt to help up your cardiovascular system.

You are a perfect woman, a magical blend of beauty, intelligence, and spirit. Without you, my life is nothing.

Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head.

There aren't many things a man finds more appealing than loyalty. Unless it's a woman with really big knockers.

I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet

If they really wanted us to resist temptation, they shouldn't a made it so damn tempting.

It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine.

In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision.

There is not a simple gene pool entirely free of toxic waste.

you giver of light.you lover of love.you beautifulbeautifulhuman beingyou.

Your talent determines what you can do. Your motivation determines how much you are willing to do. Your attitude determines how well you do it.

Beware the barrenness of a busy life.

It is hard to create a first-person narrator that can be a child and yet is able to take in enough information for the narrative to be legible to the reader.

If there wasn't a word for it, would we realize our masochism as much?

Be happy in anticipation of what's coming.

At extremely high processing speeds we are able to find patterns of order in what other people would perceive as chaos.

Every man is a valuable member of society, who, by his observations, researches, and experiments, procures knowledge for men.

I think they saw me as something like a deliverer, a way out. My means of expression, my music, was a way in which a lot of people wished they could express themselves and couldn't.

I will not quit this game because of what the media has done to me.