Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

Where are all the sour patch parents?

Happiness is wanting what you have.

Work as if everything depended upon work and pray as if everything depended upon prayer.

What we need are not prohibitory marriage laws, but a reformed society, an educated public opinion which will teach individual duty in these matters

You live your life between your ears.

To live means to buy, to buy means to have power, to have power means to have responsibility.

Prison house for the soul

Those people on daytime TV talking about how their parents never gave them the positive feedback they needed and that's why they shot them- those are not Minnesotans.

The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.

What seems impossible one minute becomes, through faith, possible the next.

The heart of man is "deceitful and desperately wicked."