Maybe they should name more drugs cute things. I don't do meth, but maybe if they called meth 'Stefanie' I would!

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

He read because it gave him instant gratification in a way nothing else did, and as was the case with all addicts, gratification was the important thing.

Better an if then, than an oops.

No horrific thing done by a people today is ever justified by what horrible things people have done before.

Rollover minutes don’t work with curfews.

My fear is that I will be crushed in an elevator and my mother will get hold of my journals from my adolescence.

The revolutionary spirit is mighty convenient in this, that it frees one from all scruples as regards ideas.

Fifteen dollar too beaucoup. Five dollars each... Five dollars is all my mom allows me to spend.

Things are rough all over.

The more famous and powerful I get the more power I have to hurt men.

You will never see a portrait of my love, for miracles are never seen.