Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.

As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.

The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.

If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.

It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.

I always thought when I got older that God would sort of come into my life in some way. He didn't. I don't blame him. If I was him I'd have the same opinion about me that he does.

From the end spring new beginnings.

Just be yourself man, be proud of who you are.

In Nigeria they convict by law, not by the truth

I can’t explain what I mean. And even if I could, I’m not sure I’d feel like it.

All of a writer that matters is in the book or books. It is idiotic to be curious about the person.

I just try and get the best out of an artist - we all have a responsibility to fill the world with awesome songs!

In Van Halen there were moments, like in some of the ballads, I put my heart and soul into those records. Those lyrics when I sang 'em, I gave myself goosebumps.

A family ... is a little kingdom, torn with factions and exposed to revolutions.

The slacker does not plow during planting season; at harvest time he looks, and there is nothing.