Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

It's not getting it right the first time--it's learning to do it right and then not getting lazy.

You could write a book about things that you can't find on-line.

All war is philosophical. That's why we call it war. Strip it of its paint and it's nothing more than murder.

Don't worry. It's scientifically unlikely that the universe will explode into a million particles at any given moment.

It's nice to stay up nights worrying about the material, and not about the investors who gave you $10 million to do your musical.

Fear tastes like a rusty knife and do not let her into your house. Courage tastes of blood. Stand up straight. Admire the world. Relish the love of a gentle woman.

I want to win a championship. I can't come on this team and demand to be a starter.

I was over self-medicating back when I was a kid and didn't know it.

Cujus region, ejus rligio (Whoever's reign, his religion) ... He who owns the country owns the Church, and he that makes your laws for you has the right to make your religion for you.

We are apt to love praise, but not deserve it. But if we would deserve it, we must love virtue more than that.