Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

If you want the advice of an old man, don't be afraid of making mistakes. That's life. Just be sure you're making them for the right reason.

For whatever reason, maybe it's because of my story, but people associate Livestrong with exercise and physical fitness, health and lifestyle choices like that.

Awareness isn’t something we own; awareness isn’t something we possess. Awareness is actually what we are.

There's a bridge to tomorrow, There's a bridge to the past.

The consequences of militancy do not disappear when the need for militancy is over.

The glorious Dryden, refiner and purifier of English verse, did less for rhyme than he did for metre.

Dada aimed to destroy the reasonable deceptions of man and recover the natural and unreasonable order.

You puff the poets of other days, The living you deplore. Spare me the accolade: your praise Is not worth dying for.

I hope Mr. Obama has success.

I go to temple a lot less than I would like because when I do, people still look at me as if they think it's a publicity stunt.