Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.

I believe there is a direct correlation between love and laughter.

The upright are richer in deeds than the wealthy are in gold.

Forged in the fires of human passion, choking on the fumes of human rage, with these out hells and our heavens, so few inches apart, we must be awfully small, and not as strong as we think we are.

Check out the produce bin in your fridge or your cabinet before you buy more. When you see something on the verge of going bad, freeze it, turn it into a sauce, make jam.

There are as many versions of God as there are people in the world.

And as to experience-well, think how little some good poets have had, or how much some bad ones have.

Libraries are the wardrobes of literature.

The muse holds no appointments. You can never call on it. I don't understand people who get up at 9 o'clock in the morning, put on the coffee and sit down to write.

Our Sabbath practices reveal which Trinity we truly worship: Father, Son, and Spirit... or me, myself, and I.

You can say that this is just what aerospace medicine is all about - to save the lives of the men who climb to the high reaches above the Earth and beyond this planet.

My mom always puts a grapefruit in my stocking. I like grapefruit, but why put it in a stocking like it's a gift? It's almost as bad as coal.