Men are liars. We lie about lying if we have to.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

I refuse to admit I'm more than fifty-two even if that does make my sons illegitimate.

Nothing needs a war. There is no problem that needs a war to bring it to a resolution.

Play and pray; but on the whole do not pray when you are playing and do not play when you are praying.

It was not right to believe anything you couldn't see or hold in your hands or test with your teeth.

American English is essentially English after having been wiped off with a dirty sponge.

People will work eight hours a day for pay, 10 hours a day for a good boss, and 24 hours a day for a good cause!

Men are not to be judged by what they do not know, but by what they know, and by the manner in which they know it.

Every night in sleep God takes away all your troubles to show you that you are not a mortal being; you are spirit.

Many person might have achieved wisdom had they not supposed that they already possessed it.

I do want to do the entire alphabet. There's in [Walker's Alphabet] a poem called "A Life" in that grouping. I was going to change that title to "A."