Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

Everything can be explained to the people, on the single condition that you want them to understand.

I don't think Trump's a conservative, I'm certainly not going to support him.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

All our difficulties are only platforms for the manifestations of His grace, power and love.

Knowledge is real knowledge only when it is acquired by the efforts of your intellect, not by memory

Tip the world over and everything loose falls into L.A.

If you can't feed your baby, then don't have a baby.

His own character is the arbiter of every ones fortune.

I've discovered that people don't actually want to have things spoiled, and they really try to avoid spoilers.

I thought of all that worked dark pits Of war, and died Digging the rock where Death reputes Peace lies indeed.