Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

I don’t agree on spending time with someone who is more attached to his cell phone than he is to me.

Not using faults does not mean that one does not have them.

The sight of me puffing and straining apparently amused him to no end.

There is no endeavor more noble than the attempt to achieve a collective dream.

It's been my dream to be in a Western, and to be able to wear the clothes, have a big gun, wear a big hat, have a big horse, and be a take-no-prisoners lady in the Civil War era.

How can I possibly put a new idea into your heads, if I do not first remove your delusions?

His head was turned by too great success.

It is best to meet in a cul-de-sac, A palace of velvet With windows of mirrors. There one is safe, There are no family photographs, No rings through the nose, no cries.

I get that the media wants us to play theater critics and critique every other proposal. What I'm focusing on are my own policy proposals.

A critic without a good eye is a eunuch in a harem.