Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Tell me there is still good in the world. Tell me there is still hope for all of us.

Radical common sense is the wisdom gleaned from the past that recognizes the perishable opportunities of the moment. It is the willingness to admit error and the refusal to be deterred by failure.

You have to find something you relate to in every character.

It's nice to have a pause to parent and to be more present at home, teaching them how to drive cars and navigate boys and all this sort of thing.

They're kind of baby steps. We haven't made any measurable impact on the mortality rate or survival of this disease.

When nothing is done, nothing is left undone.

I genuinely don't feel that anything that's been written or said about me has overshadowed my music, and that's the most important thing as far as I'm concerned.

Good friends are those who care without hesitation, who remember without limitation and who love even without communication

Patience, passion and perseverance equals success.

The rule of law in place of force, always basic to my thinking, now takes on a new relevance in a world where, if war is to go, only law can replace it.