Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

I really don't have a lot of interest in national politics, and it's because I'm a skeptic. I think you can accomplish a lot more locally. I don't want to spin the wheels and not get anything done.

I don't feel bitterness, I don't feel anger towards anybody. Fighting is never emotional to me.

In justice is all virtues found in sum.

I would encourage the people out in Chicago and all of us to continue to press for, that type of prosecutorial accountability.

The allure becomes, "Can I make these rooms bigger?" Can I fill these 1,500-seat rooms? Then the allure is, how much, if we're being honest, how much can I squeeze out of it financially?

I was sad Jon Ronson, who wrote in the Guardian and has made a TV show for Channel 4, took against me.

Because all bad little vampires see me in the end

A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright.

To do anything, it is first necessary to be doing nothing.

The things that are close to you are the things you can photograph the best.