Men have two outstanding features--their brains and their genitalia. Unfortunately, both rarely function simultaneously.

Excuses are like butt holes everyone has 'em and they all stink.

If money don't buy happiness, what the hell does?

Matrimony and firefighting. They ain't for cowards.

A friend is someone who will bike to the ice cream shop with you, even when you don't look so good.

Let us talk about oxymoron, common sense, for instance.

Lust and love. They both put a fire in your damn shorts.

Celibacy sucks, no pun intended.

I'd rather be pissed off then pissed on.

It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood.

Sometimes stupid is crime enough.

The difference between a truth and a lie is determined when one chose to accept the other.

We were exiles from reality that summer. We were refugees from ourselves.

Everybody's looking for a good time. Don't you know a good time doesn't hurt?

I don't feel that as an artist my job is to offer PR propaganda, whether for the good or for the bad.

Jesus has given me eternal life in Him. Let them take my life here, but God holds me in the palm of His hand and no one can take Him from me.

There is nothing worse than being ashamed of parsimony or poverty.

Let us draw the curtain of charity over the rest of this scene

John Kerry gave the enemy for free what I and many of my comrades in North Vietnam in the prison camps took torture to avoid saying.

I think it's a mistake to rely too much on any one economic factor. It's why investors try to spread their portfolio round.

Since I have never one a debate let me tell you how not to lose one.