Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

Form delicious bonds. Be the fruit that others seek when their hearts and souls are hungry.

The only day you should never write and achieve your goals is when the day ends with the letter y.

Usually you read a script and you know somebody who knows somebody who maybe knew that person or met them once.

If you try to lose weight by shaming, depriving and fearing yourself, you will end up shamed, deprived, and afraid. Kindness comes first. Always.

Let me tell you that every misery I miss is a new blessing. [Not only be grateful for the good that you have but also for the bad you don't!]

If you want to get a pet for your child, I suggest a chicken so that when they get bored of it after a couple of days at least you can have a nice roast dinner.

A proven leader always has a proven track record.

You and I could paint the sky together. As the world goes by, we'll go on forever.

Theres a way about it: tearing people down, but not tearing them apart.

We really can say no in 10 seconds or so to 90%+ of all the things that come along simply because we have these filters.