Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

Most of us will have no idea where we are going most of the time. And I know that is unsettling.But circumstantial uncertainty also goes by another name: Adventure.

Any thought that goes against your happiness or progress surely doesn't deserve a space in your mind.

God does watch over us and does notice us, but it usually through someone else that he meets our needs.

So long as we have enough people in this country willing to fight for their rights, we'll be called a democracy.

It's impossible to walk a block in Miami, in Los Angeles, San Antonio without running into someone who is being deeply impacted by a broken legal immigration system.

The struggle of the spirit against the senses is the gospel of modern man. I do not wish to have any part in it.

Whatever you accomplish in life is a manifestation not as much of what you do, as of what you believe you deserve.

Newspapers should be read for the study of facts. They should not be allowed to kill the habit of independent thinking.

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?

This is the Great Theatre of Life. Admission is free, but the taxation is mortal. You come when you can, and leave when you must. The show is continuous. Goodnight.