Men seldom think deeply on subjects in which they have no choice of opinion: they are fearful of encountering obstacles to their faith--as in religion--and so are content with the surface.

He is the very pineapple of politeness.

A circulating library in a town is as an evergreen tree of diabolical knowledge.

When of a gossiping circle it was asked, "What are they doing?" The answer was, "Swapping lies.

An aspersion upon my parts of speech!

Won't you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you.

A bumper of good liquor Will end a contest quicker Than justice, judge or vicar.

An unforgiving eye, and a damned disinheriting countenance!

Fertilizer does no good in a heap, but a little spread around works miracles all over.

Never say more than is necessary.

The surest way not to fail is to determine to succeed.

Tell me your past, my beloved, for a man is his past, and is to be known by it.

His mama beat him with an ugly stick so hard, it gone straight on till his soul.

Prejudice is poison in the veins of the world.

I think humor is such a personal thing, and you put a microphone in somebody's face, they're going to say something that offends somebody.

When I do think, ‘Man a f—cking motel room with a couple of thousand dollars worth of narcotics would do me right,’ I just look over at my dog and remember that Buster’s never seen me high.

Applications for loans would be judged on a nation's social justice record as well as its economic efficiency.

I been getting good crowds. It only took 50 years.

I would much prefer to be a judge than a coal miner because of the absence of falling coal.

Everything bad that has ever happened to me has been caused by agents or lawyers.

Become who you are by learning who you are.