Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

There are times when you have to do things for yourself, not because no one else can do it, but because no one else can do it to the degree you want.

Those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now unless you hold on to the pain through resentment.

I think that if you can turn off the mind and look only with the eyes, ultimately everything becomes abstract.

Only in the irrational and unknown direction can we come to wisdom again

I'm just proud that I created something that helped me pay my bills because I was so flat broke. I was borrowing money from my mother to stay afloat, and that was kind of uncomfortable.

It is my great desire to reform my subjects, and yet I am ashamed to confess that I am unable to reform myself.

Sometimes one does not mean to fall in love. Sometimes it just happens

People did not go jumping from one place to another with nothing in between. It simply did not happen.

When people get tired they will say, "Enough is enough. If you want to kill us all, you can kill us all."

Shooting is all about confidence.