Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

Faith in God is sure foundation.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Hillary" Has replaced the term "battle-axe" to describe an undesirable mother-in-law in 37 languages.

Ghosts are the only ones who never have to feel scared. Because the worst thing in the world has already happened to them.

I'm planning to be here forever, but I know at some point I'll probably have to give it up. If you live to 100, there's a very good chance you'll live forever. Because very few people die after 100.

Being a geek is all about learning the inventories of things.

Hurt no living thing: Ladybird, nor butterfly, Nor moth with dusty wing.

I've always liked women who are older. They seem to know who they are, and they've lived. They've got soul, and that's very attractive.

He laughed, tried to make it into a cough, inhaled at exactly the wrong moment, and then really did cough.

I'm one of the few people in this world who can do anything I choose. I can't tell you how good I'm feeling.

The life and ventures of Mickey Mouse have been closely bound up with my own personal and professional life.