Mentioning Jesus in your speech: Small government. Doing what Jesus asked: Big government.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Can you revive wilted tulips?

If I can't even protect my captain's dream, then whatever ambition I have is nothing but talk! Luffy must be the man who becomes the Pirate King!Roronoa Zoro

It is what it is because you let it be so.

I cannot compromise or inhibit my independence.

some of us have so much defeat in our past that we feel we lost the race before we knew it started.

My goal was to go back to Argentina, and give them all-all the shoes-away. Not just to give them away, but to place them on each child's foot.

But cord blood also holds the great potential of producing pleural potential cells that could cure many other diseases such as juvenile diabetes, a disease that I live with every day.

O to be in finland/ now that russia's here)

I think it's important for us to allow ourselves to be in creative bubble when you really need to finish something. You can always re enter the world after, once you feel like you're done with it.

Let his herald your end,and begone with the thundder clap.