Mercy, it's the revolution and I'm in my bathrobe!

In the future we'll all have 15 minutes of fame and 15 minutes of healthcare.

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.

Most of us are animal lovers. We insist that we love all animals equally - the hamster, the weasel, and the zebra - but if pressed, we will admit to being either a cat person or a dog person.

Can you envision a world without men? No wrongdoing and bunches of euphoric, fat women.

We all know how cats feel about traveling in a car. You never see a cat with his head out the window, fur flying in the breeze. A cat is never anyone's designated driver.

Getting old in America ... best to do it somewhere else.

Hi, this is Sylvia. I'm not at home right now, so when you hear the beep ... hang up.

My weight is always perfect for my height - which varies.

Dogs are joiners; if they were guys, their idea of a good time would be to attend an Elks luncheon.

There are no safe voyages and no safe ports.

The soul can do without everything except the word of God, without which none at all of its wants are provided for.

All I want to do is to find the joy of life.

We learn much of parenting from our own parents. My love for my father deepened profoundly when he was kind, patient, and understanding.

There are few faces that can afford to smile: a smile is sometimes bewitching, in general vapid, often a contortion.

You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

comedy is a high form of art becaus it brings us more joy than anything else, practically but at the same time, it doesn't get a lot of respect. that's the sacrifice you make to do it.

My sister died and my mum was really distant, as you do - you don't expect your offspring to die before you. I thought I was bulletproof up until that stage.

As many languages as he has, as many friends, as many arts and trades, so many times is he a man.

At one time I thought that if I could really understand renunciation and bodhichitta from the depths of my heart, then, for this lifetime that would be enough.