Metal is easily my favorite thing - Exodus and Anthrax and Megadeth - so it just kind of organically came through in the standup act.

I do think certain kinds of music can make you violent. Like, when I listen to Nickelback, it makes me want to kill Nickelback.

I've been trying to quit smoking weed and it's really hard quitting pot. It was actually easier to become a vegetarian because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of beef.

Metal is the feeling of being an outsider, but still being part of something huge.

I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies.

Because I go outside sometimes, I'm exposed to terrible, terrible music in public.

Good comedy makes you laugh, and bad comedy makes people you hate laugh.

I like any big city. I like any place where you can see a guy with a pants-full of pooh fighting a ghost.

I also smoke a lot of pot, occasionally, every day.

My act is pretty much me reflecting on what I want to talk about and what I think is funny and what has happened to me.

As a comic, I used to know more about pop culture.

There is something of the ghoul in the page-swallower and of the novel-reader in the stroller through cemeteries.

I'm an answer, Frankie. Maybe you're an answer for me, too?—Emerson

Never take a mulligan on a par 3. A "hole in three" is not a fun story to relive.

Don't wait to be happy to laugh... You may die and never have laughed.

You can't expect to communicate with anyone if you're a bore.

Life really went backwards. My parents lost everything, all their savings, because we had to run from the Nigerian side to the Biafran side. We were Igbos.

Mothers always think you are working either too hard or not hard enough.

I want a script to affect me in some way. I am usually drawn to character studies, scripts about real people and the world we live in not some fantasy.

I've always been opposed to groups. I can't believe the doctrine of group is going to work for every single person within the group.

The point of vision and desire are the same.