Method acting? There are quite a few methods. Mine involves a lot of talent, a glass, and some cracked ice.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

Success is not a luxury. It's a must. Succeed or die

...His argument, as set out in The Problems of Philosophy, was based on the empirical fact that we are not only aware of things but are also, very frequently, aware of being aware of them.

A country cannot change, be transformed or developed as long as there is no truth and honesty as an everyday principle among the citizens of the nation.

There is something about the defencelessness of youth that moves me to tears. Youth is so vulnerable. It is so ruthless--so sure. So generous and so demanding.

Chuck Palahniuk asked which is worse: Hell or nothing. Here is my answer: Of course nothing! Because even in Hell, there is hope!

Another way to lose control is to ignore something when you should address it.

Are you at work?" I asked. Not precisely, but that's a good suggestion.

Marriage, children-you never expect it to end in tragedy. Unless you're me.

Everybody prefers to see a nut - they're more fascinating.

It's sad that the most glorious of sexual experiences can make us feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, and abnormal.